Preamble
Today, I am tired…
And you?
Let’s dive in…
Ashamed
Do you understand the feeling of shame?
Have you felt ashamed about something before?
Do you still feel ashamed about something you’ve done?
Are there things you cannot do because they will only bring you shame?
To feel ashamed is to feel sorry and at the same time embarrased. It is not a positive emotion.
It is to feel unworthy
Shame prolonged is a healthy mind dissolved.
Awkward
To feel awkward is to feel out of place.
It is to feel uncomfortable.
It is to feel different in a negative way.
Awkwardness and discomfort have a relationship
There were several times I got uncomfortable because an individual caused me to feel that way or because I did something that caused me to feel that way.
Feeling awkward is observant when you are with people you are not comfortable with or you are still getting to know.
Because the level of relationship is still superficial, we are (I am) often carefuk to reveal too much or do too much (relative)
Personally, awkwardness is not a strange phenomenon but that does not mean I am used to it.
Sometimes, it presents as me suddenly cracking a joke or interacting easily with people I rarely interact with or laughing openly with people I don’t do that with and sometimes, I feel awkward because I may end up making a mistake.
You get?
Am I being overconscious?
Maybe
Sometimes, it presents as me being concerned if I habe a loose end on my dress or an open tear I did not notice or soemthing wrong with something on me
If not why are they staring at me?
You see, this is something I am learning to shed off. Negative thinking can sometimes take time to shed off.
You may ask: What is the big deal?
Well the big deal is the stream of thoughts that come after the events.
Did I over react?
Was it necessary to do that?
I should have kept quiet.
I should have done it this way instead.
How will I explain my actions now?
Will they understand?
Did I make them uncomfortable?
And sometimes balancing the outcome of the event is super awkward.
Okay… Let me not digress.
If you are one who is more concious of their behaviour and environment, you will care for how you handle the little events you are part of but like I am learning, there are things you may not be able to always balance like out.
Sometimes you (I) may just flop
Sometimes, the mistake will still happen
I am learning to let go and not allow the after thoughts soak me.
It has happened. Let it be in the past.
These Bible passages are also silent prayers I pray when I get overwhelmed by some unhealthy thoughts.
Psalms 25:20-21 O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee. (KJV)
Thoughts of shame come with accusations and they are not from God. As a child of God, shame is not part of God’s promise, plan or purpose for you (me)
Psalms 31:1 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness. (K. J. V)
Sometimes, the reason we still feel ashamed is because we are reluctant to let go of the source of our shame.
Sometimes, the reason we still feel ashamed is because we have not dealt with the source of our shame.
Sometimes, the reason we are ashamed is because we are too scarred to let go of the source of our shame.
If the source of your shame is induced or forced on you, your healing is dependent on your pace and choice to let go and heal.
It may take time but one day, you’ll heal.
God wants you healed.
God wants me healed
God heals.
Now to you
Have you overcomed your source of shame?
Do you easily feel awkward or blending in is not difficult and you do not mind if you make blunders?
Do you find yourself over thinking situations after they have happened?
What is your encouragement to those experiencing shame?
Your comments are welcomed…
See you tommorrow by God’s grace. Thank you for being here 🤗
#fromamedicalstudentfaraway
Deeperlook 