Reasons You Do Not Want Help

Preamble

Hello!

Welcome again

That is if you were here in the last post

If not

A fresh welcome to newcomers.

I want to confess:

Shhshh do not tell anyone

This post is new. It is not one of the older drafts I have been talking about.

They are carry-overs from last year

Okay

That is enough. Let’s slide in

Heehaw!🏊

No, let’s swim in

You understand, right?

Help me!

A cry for help can either be very evident or come in the form of complaints.

Commonly, it comes in form of complaints.

In a conversation, the discussion shifts to a particular concern and soon the whole topic revolves around it.

Now, depending on your ability to discern, you can pick up the cry for help or if you are too slow, the person has to spell it out.

I need help

Or

Maybe you are the one complaining and depending on what you hope to achieve after complaining to someone, you are supposedly seeking help.

A problem shared is a problem half-solved, right?

Complain

Complaining is a habit. It can become a pattern that easily manifests when a person has devoted time and attention to problems for very long.

Complain about the weather.

Complain about the country.

Complain about the neighbour’s cat that meows at night.

Complain about the stubborn headache that won’t let you catch sleep.

Complain about the mosquito trying to give you malaria.

Complain about….

The Reasons You Don’t want help

This should be the main part.

1. You like to complain

I already said this.

Complaining has become your habit so you are not sharing your concerns because you want or need help. You just want to vent. The main annoying thing is that because it is a habit, you are a chronic time waster. You want to waste precious time by always complaining and that is very stressful and unproductive.

2. You think you know

Maybe you are used to advicing others. Maybe you feel so matured. Maybe you are used to being the one listening. Now the tables have turned, you still do not think others can help you.

Self-sufficient eh?

So, instead of asking for help, you’ll do experiments even if it will cost you more.

Let me confess, I get put off by help I did not solicit for.

I know how to help myself. I did not ask you

Sometimes, I do not like to be infused with helpful options because I already have my own way of solving the problem.

I did not ask you

Other times, unsolicited help has saved me. So it depends..

It depends

3. You are traumatized

You tried to ask for help before and you were ignored, pushed aside or disrespected.

Ever asked help from someone uninterested in giving you help?

You are fed up with being disappointed by others, so why try hard?

If I won’t get help from others maybe I should help myself.

4. You have not found the right people to ask.

Maybe the people around you are so annoying.

Like they sit on your nerves!

The few times you asked for help, they were so clueless and did not offer to make an attempt to help.

Or

They poke their noses too much. You ask them for help and the next thing they want is all the information about your life and your future.

Now you know that they are not really interested in helping you, they just want information about you for records.

Ever shared a concern about something bothering you and the person starts asking you unrelated personal questions?

I was not talking about my father. I was talking about me and the cat.

Or

The people around you are too selfish to help and you know it so you just find a way to avoid asking for help.

5. You are enjoying your problem

Yes, you are complaining about it but it does not mean you are tired of it.

Maybe you like the way it makes you pitiful.

Eyah sorry

You like the pity you recieve and maybe the small coke and biscuit that comes with it.

You enjoy wallowing in your problems because you have formed a toxic relationship with them and it has now become one of your identities.

The fact that I complain does not mean I want a solution. I just want the pity.

Pity me!!!!

You don’t want help because you are too comfortable in what makes you complain.

A Problem solved

Is a problem resolved.

I do not appreciate perpetual complaining of the same situation especially when there are avenues to recieve help.

Many atimes, people want to be heard of their complains but are not willing to recieve and practice the help that is shared in return.

Why complain if you don’t want help?

Problems are meant to be solved.

Solutions can come in different forms and their sole purpose is to resolve problems.

When you decide to share a concern with a person, the end result should be that you get relieved and can make a move towards getting the problem solved.

Not encouraged or entertained

Sure, maybe you need listening ears. Someone that will not interrupt you. Someone that would just let you express yourself without cutting you off.

But the end goal of that conversation should be a step ahead before the conversation was made.

Complaining is a chronic habit and is often hard to stop.

It comes with a negative aura and can even end up in bitterness and anger.

What can be done?

Stop justifying your consistent habit of seeking unproductive attention by your consistent complaining. The person you complain to also has problems of their own. If you are always complaining about your problems then you will become the selfish one.

Accept help that is offered. If it is an idea or advice, try it out (as long as it is within a physically and mentally healthy perspective).

Stop rejecting help!

Please

Intentionally meet people that will help you. Sometimes, some of us go to people who cannot help us so that they can just listen to us complaining and after we drop our burdens with them, we leave them with the responsibility of dealing with our problems even though they do not know how to help.

You understood the above sentence, right?

Or maybe the person you are going to may not know but instead of only offloading your problems on them, ask if they know a person that can help.

Be a person who seeks and wants solutions.

Okay, what can I do now? What can be done about this concern?

With this mindset, we will complain moderately then less, and find solutions more.

Solution Haven

In my few adult years, I am learning to tell God everything.

I am not being cheesy here

Sometimes, I get carried away and complain a lot to people.

It becomes obvious and even annoying.

Onyiyechi, you are complaining too much!

I can feel the change in my spirit. The uncomfortable sense that I complained excessively, leaving my listeners drained.

Therefore, I am practicising to share my burdens to God first and share the exact way I am feeling it.

God, these are my raw feelings. I feel hurt, disappointed and sad. What should I do?

How does God answer me?

He gives me a bible verse to read, propmts someone to reach out to me, leads me to visit someone who will share words of comfort, the message in Church hits me at the perfect spot….

This art of being honest with God is one I observed in the life of King David. It makes the relationship with God more personal.

Matthew 7:7-8  Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. (KJV)

So instead of complaining, ask God for a solution.

Psalms 46:1  God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.(KJV)

God will send people to help you. He will give you an idea that will change the situation.

And if you are the one that someone comes to seek for help from, God will give you the answer to help.

So when next you find yourself complaining too much, crosscheck if you have asked God through prayer.

When you ask through prayer, your response will be different from complaining and even when you are sharing about that concern, it will be a form of encouragement to the listener.

Conclusion

Gratitude balances complaining.

Life is not favourable for everyone but there is something to be grateful for.

I believe

Sometimes, it is hard to find what to be grateful for especially when you feel like nothing in your life is working.

But, if you search for a reason you will find it.

I have noticed the difference in my life since I became more sensitive about this topic matter and even now, I am still learning.

When next you want to complain, pray first. You will notice the difference.

A conversation with my mother helped confirm this topic. This often happens with my podcasts and this time around, it happened with this topic.

We were having a conversation and she kept emphasizing on this topic matter. I had to stop her and say “Mummy, I am writing this topic as a blog post. Your words will help”

Yes, these are the unique moments I enjoy when creating these contents, and it gives me confidence that God wants me to share them.

That being said, its been a while I shared a podcast. Hopefully, I should share soon.

This post was started 3 days from the last day of March and it is finally shared on the 31st of March.

Happy last day of March.

Until next post, stay safe and God bless.

Your comments and questions are warmly welcomed.

#daughterofabba