Preamble
This topic is broad. The very popular in certain themes than in others.
The moment you saw this topic, a specific theme came into your mind.
This post has short stories. It has been a while short stories featured.
Let’s ride in🏄
Why it is called consent
Consent is mutual aggreement.
It is giving permission willingly.
It is valid when both parties are fully aware of what the agreement entails and both still agree to participate.
It has nothing to do with ignorance or force.
Naza
“Sissy did you see the form that was shared in class?” Bose asked her roommate
“I saw it. Abeg I am tired of filling form” Naza replied as she changed her position on the bed to focus better on her laptop screen.
“What are you doing sef?” Bose was already leaning on Naza’s body
“Watching the recently released Korean drama series”. It was obvious she was not interested in any conversation.
“Gist me. Shift for me let me see” Bose said, purposely ignoring the disgruntled sound from Naza
“You disturb too much. Stop leaning on me abeg” Naza said as she shrugged her shoulders making Bose to fall on the bed.
“You are too harsh. I don’t like when you satrt watching this your nonsense tv shows. Mtww”
“Whatever, don’t disturb me. She has already distracted me. Nonsense girl” Naza teased
“Madam, I gave Mr Sam your number”
“What?! Why?” her attention had finally been distracted
“Erm.. He told me he needed to talk to you” Bose stammered
“And why did you do that? Bose sometimes I wonder if you are my friend at all” Naza complained
“Well….I thought by now you are no longer that uncomfortable with him. I thought…”
“You thought that what? You know how sensitive I am about my phone contacts. You also know how I feel about that man. You should have asked me first”
“I am sorry”
“Please next time don’t give my number to anyone without telling me”
“I am sorry. I will do that next time”
“And don’t distract me again. Allow me watch my series in peace”
“Gist me now” Bose said as she leaned on Naza again.
The gravity of consent varies. We usually take light of consent on certain levels. In the above story, Bose felt that she did not need to ask her friend before giving her contact to another person without consent.
It is very common to share contacts without asking for consent from the person you are sharing their contact.
It is very polite to ask for consent before sharing information about others, even if they are close to you.
Do not share information without consent.
Are you okay with me sharing this and this about you?
Can I share your contact with so-so and so?
Are you comfortable if someone gets to you through me? Or should I direct the person to you?
Mama Ebele
“Mummy good evening” Ebele greeted
“Good evening my daughter. How was your day?”
“Stressful, too stressful” Ebele said as she yawned and sat on the couch opposite her mother.
“See your hungry mouth. Don’t swallow me”
“Mummy”
“And that your leg, remove it from my chair. Go inside wash up and come and eat. Your food is in the flask” her mother said gestulating towards the kitchen
“Thank you ma…” Ebele said as she yawned again
“Cover your mouth” her mother teased as she went inside.
Hours later, they were seated in the same position.
“My daughter, I have to tell you something important”
Ebele knew that the topic matter was a serious one. Aside from the usual marriage advice, something else was brewing with the kind of tone her mother was using.
“Mummy I am listening”
“Well…. The other day, I and your father were discussing about you, and we decided to send you to America for your masters. From there you can work, then build your life and maybe marry there….”
Her mind zoned out as her mother continued talking.
“Are you listening to me?”
“Ma?”
“Have I been talking to myself all this while? Ebele get yourself together”
“But mummy when did both of you decide that?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“Well, I don’t understand how both of you will make such a huge decison for me without asking for my opinion”
“See this child. What opinion? See your mouth. Are you the one footing the bill?”
“No ma. I am so grateful to you and daddy but I would appreciate it if both of you would have listened to my opinion first. It has always been about your choices not mine. I have always respected your decisions without complaining. At least for once, let my opinion count”
“See this child, when did you start growing wings?”
“Mummy, I love you and daddy so much. I am grateful for all you have done for me but I will still express my unhappiness about how you both make critical decisions for me without involving me. That was how you both changed my youth service location to suite your desired location. You both did not alllow me to work in the companies I wanted to work in. It had to be the one you choosed. Both of you did not ask me of my plans or where I wanted to study. You just made up your mind on what you wanted and not what I wanted. I am not happy at all”
“I have heard you. I can see how tall your wings are”
“Don’t take it the other way”
“I get you now. Instead of jubilating, you are complaining. Do you know how many people would wish they were in your position?”
Ebele knew that the next sentences would be to guilt trip her. She had been down that road before. That was the main factor that always caused her to succumb.
She did not know if she wanted to drag the issue or yield to their decision one more time.
Her concern was that they would never understand the need to respect her opinions and would always interfere in her life decisions. She had never made a solid decision for herself. Her parents made all of them for her, and it was getting tiring.
“Have both of you decided on the man I would marry?”
“Ebele kpachaanya oh. Mind yourself”
“Mummy please try and understand me. I would like that both of you would listen my opinions before concluding on decisions that are life changing for me”
“Behave like an adult first before complaining”
“That is if I am given the opportunity to behave like one. Instead of trying to understand what I am concerned about, you are only interested in guilt tripping me. I hope that the man I would marry is waiting for me in America”
“I am tired of talking to you. When your father returns, we can talk it out. Please hand over the remote, it is already 8pm”
Both of them were soon laughing at the Tv series playing on AIT.
*Kpachanya* Igbo term for mind yourself. Literal interpretation means ‘watch your eyes’
The above scenario is not alien to Nigerian families.
It is not very normal too.
A child’s consent is very important and valid.
A lot of parents make life decisions for their children and shove it down their throats without seeking to know how the child feels about those decisions.
When a child’s opinion is constantly disregarded it can make him or her less confident of themselves and highly dependent on others in making decisons.
The ability to make decisions is very important to survive, and even though we still need people to verify and encourage our decisions, we need to know to how to get to the point of making our own decisions.
In the above story, Ebele may not be able to share her feelings with her parents without having a misunderstanding and her feelings never understood or appreciated. The cycle is a continous one, and the disadvantage is that rebellion may be the end result.
Andy
He saw her dancing solo in her shiny sliver short gown, the dark room illuminated by her appearance. He had been eyeing that girl for a long time, maybe today she was going to give him a chance.
He walked to her as the Dj changed the music. She squealed in excitement as the next song played, she was enjoying herself solo and did not notice as he stood closely to her.
“Bimbo good evening”
She moved away from him and continued dancing.
He moved closer and greeted her again
“Please could you move away from me. I don’t want to dance with anyone” she said
He was not the first she had declined but he persisted as he continued standing close to her.
Without another word, she walked away.
He followed her as she made her way outside the building of the hall.
She was making a call as she stood beside her car. “Thank you for inviting me, I thought I was going to use the opportunity to relax. I gave your gift to the waitress. Happy Birthday, I am on my way home”.
She ended the call to notice him leaning on the car. “Can I help you?”
“Bimbo why do you keep treating me like this?”
“I don’t understand you”
“Why are you treating me like a plague? Do I smell?”
“Andy, I do not want to be impolite to you. I would appreciate if you stop leaning on my car”
“You have started again. You are making that disgusted face” he said calmly as he approached her.
She reached out for her car keys and opened the door.
“Andy, I would like to go home. Let us continue this conversation tommorrow”
“That is if you would give me the opportunity”
“Please can you stop coming closer? I don’t want to hurt you” she said as she sat on the driver’s seat and clutched the steering wheel.
“I don’t want to go”
She grabbed the door handle and tried closing the door. She was visibly shaking. “I will bang your face if you do not leave the side of the door” her voice was shaky
“You are scared of me?” he continued menancingly
He was enjoying the look of fright on her face. He was not taking no for an answer today.
“Just give me a chance. I am tired of you turning me down. I want ah! ah! ah!, my eyes! What did you spray on my eyes?!” he screamed as he let go of the door of the car and rubbed his eyes furiously causing the irritating substance get into his eyes more.
“Don’t ever come near me creep!” Bimbo shouted she banged the door and zoomed off.
This above scene is a common one. Sexual consent is one of the most abused form. Cases of rape keep rising as people are foced to engage in activities they are not interested in.
Women have been accused of inappropriate dressing as a factor for rape but there are more incidences where the woman in question was not suggestive in anyway but still got harrassed.
Consent is willingness not fear. The two parties should be realized not agitated and frightened.
Don’t men get harrassed?
Men also get harrassed. Women are not the only ones whose consent are violated.
Tricking anyone into making sexual decisions is violating consent. The people involved should be aware of what they are participating in before making an agreement.
In the medical field, it is inappropraite to go against a patient’s consent. If the patient cannot make a decision for themselves, a close family member can make it.
There very rare instances where doctors have to intervene without consent, and some of them may end up in legal cases.
There are many other instances where consent is not sought directly, for example in underaged children.
Sexual consent from from underaged persons is not accepted. Sexual consent from unconscious persons is not accepted.
The person involved must be in the right age and their right mind.
Safety purpose
Before you get into aggreement with any one, make they sure they are fully aware of the decision. Do not rush into making aggreement with persons who are not confident to make their decisions.
Today’s post is longer than the previous ones I have written recently.
What is Consent to you?
Your thoughts are welcomed.
#fromamedicalstudentfaraway
Deeperlook 