Not really, however I was expecting to complete my housejob, possibly write an exam, make certain travels, and start another program…
all I did
However, almost everyone one of these things dragged and tried to snuff me out.
I had to exercise patience for each of them and that meant months of waiting to do each one of them.
I had to relearn patience and the importance of knowing how to respond to difficult situations as well.
somethings will always have to be learnt
I CRIED ALOT
and crude (pun intended)
I had a good share of tears. I can easily shed tears because somewhere in my brain is sensitive to emotions a little bit more. Also, crying helps me relieve intense emotions; good or bad.
I had a lot of intense moments in 2023 and I had to cry out the heavy emotions that came with them.
therapeutic
In these moments, I allowed myself to feel the emotions I was going through, evaluate the experience I was going through and alllow my head to get cleared.
I cried in the last days of 2023 and I was like, this was not the plan.
I am glad I went through all the emotions because it gave me the opportunity to know myself better.
THINGS I WAS NOT ASHAMED OF IN 2023
Being sensitive and emotional: I am happy that I embraced that side of me more gently than I used to. It also helped me regulate better than previous times and I had less mood swings that were difficult to trigger-trace.
Being open about my feelings: still not very open like many people but I am glad I expressed certain cheesy emotions. (I’ll leave it at that).
Being told no: I got in different ways, got my feelings hurt but learnt through it… (I’ll leave it at that).
Being myself: I allowed myself to be and that was a highlight for me. I allowed myself to accept me better….
THINGS I LEARNT
Be big hearted if you are.
Be intentionally kind.
It’s okay to allow things to take a natural course.
Certain risks are worth it.
Trust God x infinity.
Your worries have potentials to be testimonies.
Don’t kill yourself, life is better.
Embrace your body and be kind to it.
You are loved more than you know (I had to accept this).
You choose to allow your ego to be crushed.
Your family is important (sometimes more than you think).
Things will pan out eventually.
You don’t have to impress anyone. Do the right thing, and the right people will be impressed.
Listen to the Holy Spirit (He’s more experienced in this thing called life).
Not everyone who loves you will be able to stay (bear no grudges).
Keep on loving (it is better).
Enjoy people…..
VISION BOARDS?
I have plans for this year but then most importantly I want to do better with my life.
I want to give more attention to very important areas of my life and that may mean taking long breaks from creating.
Am I excited?
maybe…
I want to go deeper into what being in existence means and I want it to be a personal, deep and rich experience for me.
Importantly, give God more room to be in control.
With that being said, even though I have tons of unrealized projects and topics I would love to share this year, I will take my time to share them.
I will give myself time to be
No rush, no urgency to start a series or new topics.
even though I have plenty of them
A PODCAST
Click on image to be redirected
I gave some updates here..
YOUTUBE
I started a series in 2023 and will be continuing it this year.
If you haven’t seen it, see it. Subscribe too…
WHAT ELSE?
2024 has arrived and what is most important is that it achieves it purpose in our lives.
I need God more than ever.
2023 reminded me that
I’ll make use of my time and enjoy God’s blessings and learn my lessons.
A previous post has elements of this topic but this post is unique in its own way.
I wanted to say some other thing..
I wil say it in the post…..
Ears
One ear
Two ears
The outer part is mainly cartilagineous. It is sensitive to touch and pain.
Aside from comestic purpose, the ear is the organ of hearing.
Sound gets into it, is balanced and sent to the brain to be interpreted as a sensible information which is then understood by the hearer.
It also has components that maintain body balance (found in the part called the inner ear)
The ears are either pierced or not, this depends on personal, cultural or religious preference.
As part of the body, it has to be cleaned and taken care of to prevent infection and damage.
When the ears are damaged especially the middle and inner ear, the sense of hearing is partially or totally lost.
What else?
Toiletting your ear includes using a cotton bud to clean excess wax.
Using other unhealthy surfaces such as biro cover tip can introduce infectious organisms into the ear. I am a culprit of that bad habit and I am working on it.
Okay…..before I deviate.
“Talk to me”
With the increase awareness on mental health, there is an increased usage of the phrase “Talk to someone”
If suicide occurs, the next words that are shared are “Why did they not talk to someone?”
I advocate speaking to someone when you are overwhelmed. Someone you trust and you are comfortable with.
It is who you talk to about it that matters
Talking to someone that belittles your concerns or does not engage with you is not one you should take personal concerns to because they will drain you and make you feel worse after sharing.
You should feel better after sharing not worse
Therefore it is not everyone that says ‘Talk to me’ that can be talked to.
To Listen
Listening is the act of intentionally understanding what is heard.
A person can hear but does not listen to what is heard
Listening is intentional while hearing is a function of functional ears.
Listening involves attention to what is said and understanding the purpose of what is said.
“Excuse me. Repeat what you said, I did not hear you clearly“
Listening is interpreting what is heard in the appropriate context.
“Excuse me. I did not understand what you said. I heard you but I did not understand”
Listening involves focus.
“After all I said, you did not still get me?”
Listening is intentional.
I repeated it on purpose
Why listening is hard
It is hard because we often have what we want to say before we hear.
We already have preconcieved ideas about the situation and we are not ready to change that in that moment.
We have a point to prove.
We are not interested.
We are bored.
We are only interested in what we have to say.
Talk all you want, I already have what I want to say
And for these reasons, it is common encountering situations where after a long conversation regarding an issue, the other person may still misunderstand you.
After everything I said?
For the times we misunderstood someone, the problem we had was in the listening and not in the hearing.
We heard them but we zoned out and did not listen.
And if we cared enough to have that conversation, we would ask the person to repeat the statement or expound it for us to understand.
Or we can simply keep zoning out and say what we want to say regardless of what the person has said.
This also happens when we are approached with a concern to get an advice. We can either listen and give advice that suites the person and the unique situation or bombard the person with general advice that we use for everyone.
Fixed advice. Advice templates. Prepaid advice.
I am looking for the right word, I hope you still got what I was saying.
Has there been a time when you shared a concern with someone and they already had fixed words that you already knew?
It felt like they had memorized the words and did not change it from what they had told someone else. At the end of the day, you felt weird because the words did not address you personally.
They did not listen to you
Because your concern was similar to what they had heard countless times.
Or what they had experienced many times
Listening involves putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and trying to understand where they are coming from.
Shoes, sneakers or boots
It means getting their perspective on the matter.
Does it overide your perspective? No
Does it help you engage effectively in the conversation? Yes
Can you still share your perspective? Yes
And beacause you listened, your response will certainly show that you did.
When the people involved in a conversation listen to themselves, communication is easier, even if they do not agree with each other.
The goal of communication is to understand what is shared and not only to say what we want to say.
God listens
When we talk to God, He listens.
God hears us and He understands us.
Every motion. Every emotion poured out in the place of prayer is understood by God who listens.
With this understanding, I do not pray as one whom God does not hear but as one who is listened to.
Why the repetition of words?
We repeat words mainly because we do not have faith. We are not sure if God is hearing us, so we repeat ourselves hoping to get an assurance within us that we are heard.
We often repeat ourselves because we are afraid that if we do not do that, God will forget.
It is fear and doubt that causes it
Jesus said
Matthew 6:7-8 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask Him. (KJV)
I love how Jesus prayed and I have been practicing it for a while.
Father I thank you for you have heard me
Praying about a particular matter on different occasions is a different context. There are certain concerns that may need extended periods of prayers because they build our faith and relationship with God. In the place of praying about these things, we get to experience a deeper relationship with God as He uses these situations to transform our hearts. In all these moments we consistently approach the place of prayer with faith that God has heard us.
But sin is still a fundamental barrier
God hears us but God can choose not to answer us.
Isaiah 59:1-2 Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither His ear heavy, that it cannot hear:
But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from you, that He will not hear.(KJV)
Sin seperates us from God and is also a reason why we feel unheard and thus repeat ourselves hoping God will hear after our many repetitions.
So when the assurance of God is lost, one needs to check if sin has lurked in and created a gap.
When we talk to God, He assures us that we are heard
Our confidence in being heard does not rest in our ability to be good in ourselves but in the confidence on God we call on.
If you believe God hears you, you will be confident that you are heard
1 John 5:13-15 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that, if we ask any thing according to His will, He heareth us:
And if we know that He hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him. (KJV)
And sometimes, the reason we do not have confidence is because we are afraid it is not God’s will.
We are afraid of what God will say
Will you listen to God?
God listens to us.
Do we listen to Him?
Do you hear God?
God speaks just as He listens.
But do you hear Him?
And if you hear Him, do you listen?
Is that why you do not have confidence that He hears you? Because you may be disobeying what He has said?
Do you only listen when it favours you?
Speak LORD for your servant listens
Will you listen even when it does not agree with your preconcieved ideas?
Will you drop your prejudice and listen?
Do you know what God is saying?
What has God said to you before?
Sometimes, for us to hear God, we need to want to hear God.
John 8:47 He that is of God heareth God's words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.(KJV)
For us to listen, we need to drop our own ideas and be willing to understand what God is saying.
Hebrews 4:7 Again, He limiteth a certain day, saying in David, To day, after so long a time; as it is said, To day if ye will hear His voice, harden not your hearts.(KJV)
I am going to talk of something real. I talk of real somethings.
This is preamble so I just have to write something🐹
Indecision🐪
It is the inability to make decision. It is finding it difficult to make a decision. It is being overwhelmed by options available that picking one option is difficult. It is feeling crowded with what you think is right or wrong🐸
🐤
It is like females that have a wardrobe filled with clothes and still find it hard picking an outfit to wear. They just don’t know!🙄
I sometimes/most times avoid buying stuffs because I am avoiding the stress that comes with buying stuffs. The stress that comes with choosing items.
Why?
Because every item I own is special, they cannot be picked anyhow. They have to be special to me before they become mine. I have to fall-in-love with them before I get them, and they are few of the things I like that I see.🙄😐
I mostly avoid large supermarkets where they are too many options except I am going to sight see (which I rarely do). I prefer smaller enviroments especially a place I am used to. A place I am used to is always a favourite and I rarely check other places when a place become a favourite.
I avoid going to a market filled with too many people because, just like that. No, because it is stressful. I prefer going with someone who is very helpful but then because I find it hard getting what I want, I prefer not to discomfort anyone. But that human rarely complains but sometimes I want to stress no one🙄
Usually when I get into the market, I go round and round with my purse and my body. I look round and round, sometimes touch and feel before proceeding to the next place. Sometimes I leave with few items because they were too many options.
“Onyiyechi what do you want?” my mother ask
“Ehmmm. I dont know..ehmmm let me check”
Okay, the red😶
After spending a lot of time going through the options, my face would should disapproval. Nothing matched my taste.
“Out of everything here, there is nothing you like?”
“Yes”
None of them touched my soul.🙄
On the other hand, I am never selective when I am given things. One girlfriend buys me things a lot, and funny enough I never think of getting those kind of things but they become very special to me. Anything I get from another human becomes very special even though I may never get those things personally.
Which is cool?😏
That is why I prefer spending on food, no, fruits. Fruits are fruits. If it is apple, it is apple, red or green. If it is banana, it is banna. If it is orange, it is orange. If it is that, it is that. I prefer buying them. Sometimes what to cook can become hectic, it has to be carefully thought of, and interest me before the meal can be cooked. That is the reason I rarely make normal meals. You can scroll to the end to see some of my recipes in my food blog.🙂
I usually avoid buying stuffs like clothings and the rest of the things that make a woman look feminine🙄. I have managed to create essentials on my list which I always get, for example: ribbons every year.
🙃🙃
Have I been affected by these patterns?
Yes
How do I deal with them?
Creating the important and unimportant list. There are a lot of things that are unimportant e.g bags. The very important e.g food
I like to buy what to cook. I find more satisfaction.
Do I feel weird sometimes?
Yes, I do
But the things that are on the unimportant list have been treated in such a way that my mind rarely gets bothered. Until it is becomes too neccessary.
These patterns affect how I get things for others. I rarely get things for others because it is stressful to think of what to get, something that I feel is important. Sometimes, I think and stress without getting anything for them. Sometimes, I try but sometimes the trying may not be enough🙃
Too many options🤒
It is like sitting for an exam with a pattern consisting of objectives. Having many options but to pick one, unfortunately, you don’t know the answer
Which one?🤔
Most times when I make my list, I often write specifics down to the colour of items I want to get, and even if I find other options, if they do not fufil all the criteria then no….I am not buying.
What goes through my mind during these moments?
How long can they last?
Can I love them for as long they are mine?
Does the sight of them make me feel happy and content?
Can I take care of it properly?
Do they represent my taste?
And others I cannot think of …….
The sweet relief is….. When I get them, they are always good. You can say that the stress and emotional efforts I put during these moments of indecision pay off. It has always paid off even if I get a little number of items. It is the reason why simple living appeals me more, it is less stressful and tasking.
Lift ya weight😂
When it comes to humans, I still face conflicts but it is better because the human in me does not usually struggle to like who I like. I usually gravitate towards those I am am comfortable with. It happens like chemistry. You can check the series THIS TH!NG CALLED CHEMISTRY (5 PARTS) https://sweetrose2blog.wordpress.com/2019/02/19/this-thng-called-chemistykemistri-part1/
That is the first part, other parts will show up as you read it up……
I don’t think that is a special thing, most people do that.
The other day, I was talking with a human on OCD and I gave some little forms of therapy which have worked for me: Ignore the urges, and stress. Ignore the over thinking. You many not win all the time but you will sometimes, and also experience some relief.
I would say: when it comes to principles, I am better decisive but when it comes to human materials then it is stressful for me and a lot of mental work🙄🙄
After buying sometimes, I usually feel more mentally stressed on my expenditure and going through the so called materials to check if they were worth it (of course they are). I sometimes fail to get relief and would have to console myself that the item have been bought (but go on loving them still)..
For those of you who do not have unusual tics and stress triggers, please enjoy your freedom😂😂. I usually find it amusing watching those around me who do…… They are usually fun loving people
Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God
KJV
As a Christian, praying about these weird stuffs have been therapeutic. It is crazy how very little issues that seem insignificant can disrupt your normal living😂😂
As a future doctor, go and see a certified doctor if you are having unusual tics. Most doctors rarely check their health, I am still trying to practice that too😂😂
Mushy the Mushroom
I love to check my mental rationing, health and buhaha because a lot of decisions are affected by the state of the mind. I hope you do that too, and do not carry out your activities mindlessly without pausing to check irregularities…..
Now, if you know me on a person level, you may understand why I do some things I do…….
N.B I had to go through the stress of walking in a market trying to get stufffs, funny enough I sometimes think I may experience some fun looking at items but end up wanting to escape to the comfort of my bed. And I have to still go back😂😂
I have been ticking off old posts but today, a new one appeared called today’s topic.
I wonder how you did feel? How you feel when you can let the air you hold within out.
Therapy…..
Some days it is music🎶
Some days it is singing 🎤
Some days it is writing fiction 📝
Some days it is writing poetry✏
Some days it is just writing📠
Some days it is reading📖
Some days it is watching cat videos🐈
Some days it is laughing (even though it turns around to sting)😂
Some days it is cooking something too new🍽 or eating (depends on brain directives)
Some days it is painting abstract (or maybe call it rubbish)🎨
Some days it is dancing💃
Some days it is crying😭
Some days it is talking to a loved one or some one I like ( usually rare but mostly mama does the trick❤)🗣
Some days it is auto talking🤖
Some days it is walking🚶
Some days it is fresh air (just say nature)🌫
Some days it is the fruit/vegetable man who add extra fruits ( I am a regular/everyday customer)🍎🍌🍊🍋
Some days it is swatting flies (no emoji (like…🙄🙄))
Sometimes it is praying (actually most times. Only that I may run away because I want to dwell on the mood, on the low mood🙃) 🙏
Sometimes, I use all……🕊
Therapy can be anything.
Comfort in unlikely places
Comfort can sometimes be found in unlikely places. O. R. A
Sometimes you feel better, sometimes you don’t In every moment I pratice counting my blessings.
They keep me in gratitude.
God sends people (cute and kind ones) even the most unlikely to bring comfort (very soothing)
My mother would say: “Onyiyechi what are you thinking of? You don’t have children and you are thinking and thinking. Take it easy” 😂😂😂😂
This would be in response to my response which would have been I was thinking. That was when I was a pre teen or teen…..(wot-eva)
N.B Thinking in the theme is not thinking like a human/ or a normal pattern of thinking like a rational human. It was thinking like a person who who was going to transport the eatrth to another galaxy (I wonder if that made sense. Wot-eva again)
It is steps…..it takes it time but that does not mean it should stop. Time still has time before it stops……
A therapist is a good idea especially if you have not gone mad already. Better late than never.
N.B listening to Hollyn : Isaac ( Try listening to Horizon too by the same singer. So beautiful songs and voice😚. I told ya). On repeat like xjdjoeeivs times…
Something new🙂
There is a poll at the end of today’s post. Pick your favourites.
I am doing more experiments….😆😁
I hope you felt sunshine today, if not outside,inside. If outside, I hope you felt it inside too…..
If I repeat this word N…..gia, it would sound too weird. Seeing I have used it too frequently in previous posts….
Deeperlook 