Blogmas 2: Day 12

Preamble

Today is exactly the 6th month since my birthday.

I meant that 6 months ago, I gained a year to my age.

Today has been a roller coaster…

Regardless of that, let’s dive in as usual…

Weakness

Weakness is the description of a flaw.

An area of your personality that is not strong.

That has a lot of holes. A single punch and the leak is exposed…..

One of my weakness which I have repeated multiple times on blog is my swinging mood.

It is like pendulum and sometimes it swings too fast. My innate ability to observe small details and focus on them can sometimes be a blessing and other times a trouble.

Interestingly small gestures and actions mean more to me

Small things give me an insight into big things.

And because of this beautiful swinging moments I accept that I sometimes make people uncomfortable when the swing is towards a poor mood.

Not intentional

I wish that most of the times, they would understand that it was not necessarily them but I was trying to process certain influx and moments within.

Because of these moments, I have had times when people asked me what was wrong with me, why was I angry, why was I extremely quiet, why was I not smiling (add all the question marks yourself)

I would confess that some of those times, I wanted to be alone but I couldn’t help it because I needed to be out

In summary, whenever I am moody, I prefer to be alone before contacting others lest I also ruin their mood.

However, it is the real life where I have to cope with mood swings and doing things.

But my mood swings have not been totally negative. They have been a source of arts and creativity. I have created so many things in moments I was moody.

Many of them have been shared in this blog. Many…

Also, God has been kind to me by using random people to encourage me and also by touching the hearts of those around me.

As I learn to interact more and express myself (this area of my life), others have been considerate of me and I appreciate.

They do so by leaving me alone and not pushing me away when I come back to engage with them.

More like ignoring me when I needed the space.

One question I asked myself today was:

Why was I not getting over it?

Why was I too observant of details that others could ignore?

Why did they bother me?

Why was my cheerful and ‘sweet’ side not always evident?

And then I realized that getting over certain flaws take time and sometimes some of those may never disappear, they remain as a reminder of how imperfect the human nature is and hence when I am tempted to feel better than another person, my flaw is a check on me.

Do we need flaws to treat others better?

No.

But because it is a reality, it is better to accept the presence of flaws first than to deny them.

Also, there are certain flaws God may not take away.

I still pray about my swings. Every day.

This reminds me of Paul’s words in

2 Corinthians 12:6-8. If I wanted to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be telling the truth. But I will not boast, because I do not want any of you to have a higher opinion of me than you have as a result of what you have seen me do and heard me say.
But to keep me from being puffed up with pride because of the many wonderful things I saw, I was given a painful physical ailment, which acts as Satan's messenger to beat me and keep me from being proud.Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked Him to take it away (GNT)

Then it is followed by

2 Corinthians 12:9-10  And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.(KJV)

Are all flaws permissble?

The honest truth is that there are certain flaws that are not permissble. They go completely against what the word of God stands for. Participating in such activities intentionally is the same as intentional disobedience.

No defence

Asking God for forgiveness is the main step to take but continous participation is an outright disregard towards God.

Especially when a willful participation occurs and repentance occurs only when there is a public exposure

A simple summary is that certain flaws are loop holes to remain in sin which is far away from God’s desire for us.

Deciding to keep choosing sin is to disregard God.